Christmas..to be or not to be?
Ok...here's the situation..(no, not a "jazzy Jeff" song starting up). I converted (reverted in some circles) to Islam some 6 years ago. Understandably, my Christian family went through quite an upheaval. Especially since I waited to tell them until after 9/11 (in December). Not the smoothest thing to do I know. Since then we went through the little dance during the holidays. As we were living 800 miles away at the time, we would come and visit on Thanksgiving or even on Christmas after my family figured out that I saw Christmas as a gathering rather than a bonafide religious experience. We even exchanged gifts. My husband and I respect my parents and siblings for their religious beliefs and holidays despite the fact that they never recognize our holidays and barely discuss our Islamic beliefs.
Now we are living 100 miles away. We had Thanksgiving in our home and invited my family to attend. Everyone came, had a nice time.
I find out last week from mom that Christmas is going to be at one of my sisters' home. I do not hear from this sister about the gathering nor does Mom ask if we are coming. As my family will be donating to charitable organizations this year there will be no gift giving. So basically everyone is getting together for a meal.
So this is my dilemma...am I not invited because A. I am Muslim now and do not celebrate Christmas B. they are unsure if it is "ok" to ask me C.although it is a family gathering and not a full blown scripture reading with reenactment of the Nativity scene, my 2 boys aged 5 and 3 may terrorize and destroy my sisters' beloved home which has currectly remained untouched by a childs' grubby fingers or D. invitation is "in the mail"
Hmmm...I don't know. I spoke to my mom tonight (which spawned this post) and mentioned I'd be bringing by some baked goods as gifts for her and my siblings this week. She did not bring up the Christmas gathering.
Really tho', the crux of the matter is that no matter how much care my husband and I have given in respecting their beliefs and customs, we have gotten 0% reciprocation. This in itself is starting to irritate and annoy. We had Thanksgiving at our home as I mentioned before. Custom is (growing up) that the eldest male who is at the meal gives a Thanksgiving prayer. Usually this is a "thank you God" kinda thing. My dad (bless him) proceeds to give a long drawn out prayer with about 3 references to "Jesus, our lord and saviour" and "Jesus, son of God". Mind you we had invited some other Muslim friends to attend this meal. I wouldn't have been surprised if at the end the Pope popped out from under the table to put his 2 cents in. My husband was ticked to say the least but held his tongue. You really can't ever get mad at my dad he is older and means well.
It is not as if I do not believe that Jesus (peace be upon him) ever existed. I believe in the Virgin birth and that he was a Prophet from God. I just do not know what day he was born and hence do not celebrate Christmas.
So maybe it is a good thing that we haven't been invited I think to myself rationally. Less questions from the kids about Santa, Christmas, and the Christian views on Jesus (pbuh).But, then I have my inferiority complex (or jinn?)rearing its' ugly head whispering to me about not being good enough or too much of a problem for their blessed event. I guess to be honest I feel hurt and left out. I have always tried to be there for my family, especially for holidays, maybe to prove to them that I love them, to not forget about me, that I am not a crackpot, that I am a functioning member of this family. Until 3 months ago, mind you, I was living 800 miles away and I would drive that distance most often alone with my 2 boys to be there with them. I have had to deal with them making a room a "child free zone" on some holidays. Care to take a wild guess on who was the only one with kids?? I've driven 800 miles with my elder son and my new baby for the holidays with it being the first visit with my new baby... to be present for a baby shower thrown for my sisters' new car! (cake, streamers, plaque with tire imprint and all). Never mind the actual human baby present! (bitter? me? hah!)
Ah, life is so complex. Or maybe we make it that way. Reason tells me to relish the time with my children and husband. They are my family now. Take joy in our Islamic beliefs and not confuse the children with other beliefs. But, I should not have to pretend that it doesn't upset or confuse me. May God help me find the positives and blessings that I have now.
Ok...here's the situation..(no, not a "jazzy Jeff" song starting up). I converted (reverted in some circles) to Islam some 6 years ago. Understandably, my Christian family went through quite an upheaval. Especially since I waited to tell them until after 9/11 (in December). Not the smoothest thing to do I know. Since then we went through the little dance during the holidays. As we were living 800 miles away at the time, we would come and visit on Thanksgiving or even on Christmas after my family figured out that I saw Christmas as a gathering rather than a bonafide religious experience. We even exchanged gifts. My husband and I respect my parents and siblings for their religious beliefs and holidays despite the fact that they never recognize our holidays and barely discuss our Islamic beliefs.
Now we are living 100 miles away. We had Thanksgiving in our home and invited my family to attend. Everyone came, had a nice time.
I find out last week from mom that Christmas is going to be at one of my sisters' home. I do not hear from this sister about the gathering nor does Mom ask if we are coming. As my family will be donating to charitable organizations this year there will be no gift giving. So basically everyone is getting together for a meal.
So this is my dilemma...am I not invited because A. I am Muslim now and do not celebrate Christmas B. they are unsure if it is "ok" to ask me C.although it is a family gathering and not a full blown scripture reading with reenactment of the Nativity scene, my 2 boys aged 5 and 3 may terrorize and destroy my sisters' beloved home which has currectly remained untouched by a childs' grubby fingers or D. invitation is "in the mail"
Hmmm...I don't know. I spoke to my mom tonight (which spawned this post) and mentioned I'd be bringing by some baked goods as gifts for her and my siblings this week. She did not bring up the Christmas gathering.
Really tho', the crux of the matter is that no matter how much care my husband and I have given in respecting their beliefs and customs, we have gotten 0% reciprocation. This in itself is starting to irritate and annoy. We had Thanksgiving at our home as I mentioned before. Custom is (growing up) that the eldest male who is at the meal gives a Thanksgiving prayer. Usually this is a "thank you God" kinda thing. My dad (bless him) proceeds to give a long drawn out prayer with about 3 references to "Jesus, our lord and saviour" and "Jesus, son of God". Mind you we had invited some other Muslim friends to attend this meal. I wouldn't have been surprised if at the end the Pope popped out from under the table to put his 2 cents in. My husband was ticked to say the least but held his tongue. You really can't ever get mad at my dad he is older and means well.
It is not as if I do not believe that Jesus (peace be upon him) ever existed. I believe in the Virgin birth and that he was a Prophet from God. I just do not know what day he was born and hence do not celebrate Christmas.
So maybe it is a good thing that we haven't been invited I think to myself rationally. Less questions from the kids about Santa, Christmas, and the Christian views on Jesus (pbuh).But, then I have my inferiority complex (or jinn?)rearing its' ugly head whispering to me about not being good enough or too much of a problem for their blessed event. I guess to be honest I feel hurt and left out. I have always tried to be there for my family, especially for holidays, maybe to prove to them that I love them, to not forget about me, that I am not a crackpot, that I am a functioning member of this family. Until 3 months ago, mind you, I was living 800 miles away and I would drive that distance most often alone with my 2 boys to be there with them. I have had to deal with them making a room a "child free zone" on some holidays. Care to take a wild guess on who was the only one with kids?? I've driven 800 miles with my elder son and my new baby for the holidays with it being the first visit with my new baby... to be present for a baby shower thrown for my sisters' new car! (cake, streamers, plaque with tire imprint and all). Never mind the actual human baby present! (bitter? me? hah!)
Ah, life is so complex. Or maybe we make it that way. Reason tells me to relish the time with my children and husband. They are my family now. Take joy in our Islamic beliefs and not confuse the children with other beliefs. But, I should not have to pretend that it doesn't upset or confuse me. May God help me find the positives and blessings that I have now.
posted by Millie | 7:29 PM
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1 comments
